A Guide for Chinese ESL Students Personal Statements for College Applications

Personal Statements as a Genre

Most higher education institutes require a personal statement from their applicants. Most students like you have some experience in writing something that expresses your thoughts and experiences. However, a personal statement can be very different from a typical essay or paper you turn in to your teachers and professors.

First, we should talk about why colleges and universities want to see your personal statement. Even though Chinese students are known for their high grades and test scores, these numbers cannot really tell the administrator about who you really are. Yes, you are interested in Medicine. Okay, you’ve had a great internship. Oh, you also took a hundred AP classes. But, so what? There are also millions of other students who have similar numbers. All these numbers are simply a way to classify students into different score levels, but they do not highlight how you are different from others. Bekins, Huckin, and Kijak (yeah, I don’t know too much about them neither) are three scholars who studied administration processes for students applying for medical school said in their research paper: “We’re pretty certain from grade and test scores of an applicant’s abilities to succeed in med school. What we can’t tell from grades and scores, though, is whether the applicant will thrive in a medical career. That’s where the [personal statement] comes in.” (p. 58) Ideally, you should participate in an interview, where you can really showcase yourself, as a unique individual.

But, wait! Don’t forget you are very likely to be in China, attending those AP classes and laughing at math skills of American students. So, forcing the admissions staff to hear your story in person is a big no no. But what if you are in luck, and just happen to be in the States? Well, administrators would probably see your essays and personal statements before they ever meet you. So now, we have established why we should care about personal statements. They are the foundations from which others can learn about you and your values.

Hopefully, by now, I have sold you the idea that “personal statements are important”. But even if I have failed you, you may want to read a bit further until the mailman comes and picks up this book for return. Next, we are going to talk about what a personal statement is.

Technically, a personal statement “is classified as a type of ‘occluded’ promotional genre”, (p. 137), as defined by Yuan-li Tiffany Chiu. In layman’s, or normal people’s, terms, it basically means you are writing something to sell yourself as a desirable talent. Chiu also claims there is a relationship between the students and administrators, where students are outsiders of the academic community, while academics are the insiders. Under this premise, administrators will hold some expectations in evaluating students. However, students, being the outsiders, can be completely unaware of such expectations. The difficulties raised by this unawareness is even more significant for forting students.

One opinion presented by Lucie Shuker is the view that:

The personal statement, while not ‘untrue’, is nevertheless a fabricated account of the self – selected from many possible identity projections. The constant recording and evidencing of productivity therefore result in the individual producing behaviours for the very purpose of being recorded and judged (p. 227).

Put it in an easier sentence, personal statements are not lies, but truth told in a decorated way, in order to make oneself more marketable. In the next four sections, I will take you step by step in exploring your most marketable stories and how to tell them properly.

Common Problems Experienced by Chinese Students

Since most Chinese students, like you, have studied English from an early age, mostly from first or third grade in elementary school, I do not need to explain basic grammar rules or lead you step-by-step in writing correct sentences. In fact, you may have a bigger vocabulary base than I do (considering all the words you were forced to remember for the TOEFL and the SAT). However, there are three main problems involving accuracy that I need to cover for you to write better papers and essays in general as a Chinese ESL student.

1. Word Choice

Even though China is possibly the largest English-learning nation in the world, only 7% of Chinese report “that they ‘often’ use the language” (Bolton & Graddol, 2012, p. 7). Most students have never had the chance to use the language in a natural setting. So while Chinese students, aiming to study abroad in an English-speaking country, generally have a large word base, they misuse many words in the wrong setting.

One common mistake is that Chinese students tend to use unnecessarily complicated words, if they can. For example, if one looks up “词汇量“ in the most popular electronic Chinese-English dictionary, Youdao Dictionary, one would typically find a list of three words: vocabulary, word base, and lexical resources. Yes, it is nice to use words that no one understands, and idioms in your writing when you are writing in Chinese, because they simply look fancier. However, if you are trying to tell a very casual story, or even use it in a conversation you are recreating in a paper, no one, and I mean it, uses “lexical resources” in their daily conversations. Moreover, “lexical resources” is a very different term from vocabulary and word base, as it normally entails such database created in combination of multiple dictionaries.

Another mistake regarding word choice is somewhat mentioned above, trying to translate Chinese idioms into English. One of more extreme examples is: “人山人海”, which describes the large amount of people, being translated into people mountain people sea. Although many would be able to understand what it means, in formal writing, this type of misuse of language is not encouraged.

2. Grammar Mistakes

Conjunctions are difficult for Chinese students because they entail a relationship between two ideas or objects. Due to the difference between two cultures, it can be incredibly difficult for students to use the correct conjunction. Some most notable mistakes are: “because” and “so”, and “although” and “but”. In the Chinese mindset, in order to transition from one idea to another, one would need logical connection words between the two. For example, “Because I wanted to apply for American colleges, so I studied English”. However, because conjunctions function not as mere transitions but also limited by its part of speech, there cannot be conjunctions in front of all independent clauses in a sentence.

The biggest mistake that Chinese students make with verbs is not changing the case according to its declension, especially in third-person present tense. It is extremely common to see an error in writing, such as:

*He become the new leader for his group.

It is important for Chinese students to understand that, even though there is no tense-related declension in Chinese, it is extremely important to never forget that -s and -es when using third-person present tense.

3. Structural Mistakes

Chinese students tend to use such structure in wiring where they would always start with something extremely broad that tends to scheme through the entire history of the human race. For example:

People have been trying to discover the true meaning of life since the beginning of humanities. Aristotle once said… 

This is a typical opening of a piece of writing from a Chinese student. The cause might be their former education, as teachers instruct them to write and present the issue discussed more important and significant than they are. Or, it might just be students trying to follow whatever templet they have learned from language test training. After-all, I have remembered numerous quotes from famous philosophers, writers and scientists, just so I can use them when I’m writing in language tests.

A personal statement is a very unique style of writing as it is trying to sell you as a unique individual to the school and program that you desire. With that said, the best way to structure one’s writing is to choose the one that best reflects one’s personality, as well as to stand out from over thousands of personal statements. If you don’t feel as confident in writing in a free form, I would recommend you write in a similar style of lab reports. You should:

1. Provide background information on your topic.
2. Provide a description of what you did.
3. Showcase your accomplishment.
4. Discuss your takeaway and conclude.

Brainstorming

Coming up with initial ideas is the most significant step in the process of writing a personal statement. There are mainly two types of writers when writing personal statements, the ones who think they have nothing to write about, and the ones who think they have too much to write about. In this section, I instruct you on how to choose the right experience to write about and how to write about that experience.

Types of Experiences

In writing a personal statement, the best way to tell administrator who you are is to discuss it in terms of your own experience and use that story to entail your personality.

There are three main categories of stories one can tell:

1. Personal Experiences: This type of experience involves anything that you have experienced in your daily life. Significant changes, sudden realization, hard times, good times, family issues and so on.
2. Academic Experiences: This type of experience involves anything that you have experienced in your academic life. Deciding on your intended field of study, attending conferences, getting through a tough class, dealing with busy student life and such.
3. Professional Experiences: This type of experience involves anything that you have experienced in your professional life. Discovering your career goal, starting your business, internship experience, volunteer experience and so on.

What Is a Good Story to Tell?

After you choose an experience that you think is worthy of telling following the framework above, you can then evaluate if it will benefit you in terms of marketing yourself.

The number one thing that you should consider is to try to focus on one key value or personality that you are trying to give impression to your school. Sometimes, students try to show schools with their full capacities in what is normally a 500-word essay. It is definitely not the most ideal way of writing a personal statement. With only about 500 words, one can barely talk about one event in detail, let alone covering others. You should try to only find one thing you can most reflect on from your story and that would most show your capacity as a student and a good fit for the program.

In her paper, Chiu showcased two criteria that administrators look for in a personal statement. One is “match” (p.141), meaning if you have shown your ability and capacity as a student to successfully engage and be part of the program. The other one is “fit” (p.142), which entails if the student is suitable for the program and that his or her values align with that of the program and school. For example, if you are trying to apply for Wake Forest University’s undergraduate degree, it might give you some extra boost if you write about your volunteer experience, since the school believes in the concept of “pro-humanitate”.

To be more specific, I want to introduce you to some of the suggestions made by Shuker in her research paper. In the article, she presents us with four types of orientations: “Engagement, Focus, Time, and Classification”. (Shuker, 2014) And she also introduces two takes on each orientation. Passive and active engagements, meaning if a person is taking an active role in the story, if one is following the crowd then he/she is categorized as passive. An internal focus paper reflects on self-reflection, while external gains comments from others. Retrospective vs Prospective just means if a person is actively marketing him/herself. In other words, if the outcome of your story is expected and planned, you are telling it in a prospective sense. Lastly, segregated and integrated classifications classify how dedicated a student is in turning his/her life in favor of future career or academic goals.

Here is a table I’ve made for you to look at in case if you find Shuker’s suggestions valuable and which orientations she seemed to like the most:

Table 1. Shuker’s Preference of Orientations

You should use her suggestions of how and what to include in a personal statement as a guideline of how you should tell your story and how to shape your story in such a way that will help you market yourself as a desirable student for institutions.

Exercises

The most important exercise for preparation for writing a personal statement is to write short stories. These short stories should serve as experiments to find your own way of telling stories and engaging with the audience. You should take your time and write several different versions of one story, then compare which way fits best with your designated value that you want to show to administrators.

In this exercise, you should write at least one story from all three categories I have introduced to you above. From these three stories, you should try to write at least 3 versions of each in under 200 words.

Portfolio and Finalization of Your Personal Statement

You should be able to construct your own portfolio of three essays, each around or under 500 words. Choose from the best story from each of the three categories. Use these three essays in your future personal statement writing, and, if you are confident enough, use them as your personal statements. Here is a final checklist you should look at before you submit your personal statements to your dream school:

• Grammar Check
• Word Check
• Structure Check
• Story Check
• Orientation Check
• Proofreading
• Reading the statement out loud

Now, you are fully prepared for submitting your personal statement to your dream school and go get that offer!

References

Bolton, K., & Graddol, D. (2012). English in China today. English Today, 28(3), 3–9.

Chiu, Y. T. (2019) ‘It’s a match, but is it a good fit?’: admissions tutors’ evaluation of personal statements for PhD study. Oxford Review of Education, 45(1), 136-150.

Ding, H. (2007). Genre analysis of personal statements: Analysis of moves in application essays to medical and dental schools. English for Specific Purposes, 26(3), 368–392.

Jones, S. (2013). “Ensure That You Stand Out from the Crowd”: A Corpus-Based Analysis of Personal Statements according to Applicants’ School Type. Comparative Education Review, 57(3), 397–423.

Khan, Q. (2019, April 18). China’s Education Industry On The Rise, And This Is Just The

Beginning. Retrieved December 5, 2019, from ttps://equalocean.com/education/20190418-chinas-education-industry-on-the-rise-and-this-is-just-the-beginning.

Li, Y., & Deng, L. (2019). I am what I have written: A case study of identity construction in and through personal statement writing. Journal of English for Academic Purposes, 37, 70–87.

Shuker, L. (2014) ‘It’ll look good on your personal statement’: self-marketing amongst university applicants in the United Kingdom. British Journal of Sociology of Education, 35:2, 224-243.

Trends in the Chinese Education Industry: Deloitte China: Global Chinese Services Group. (2016, May 5). Retrieved December 5, 2019, from https://www2.deloitte.com/cn/en/pages/international-business-support/articles/trends-in-the-chinese-education-industry.html